Monday, June 21, 2004

Wankers and Bums


Ok, sorry for the long silence. My parents' computer is just not for me. You'll be happy to know, however, that today's updates involve both nudity and masturbation. 1. Gay Pride Portland was...eh. I didn't attend the parade so for all I know it was super fabulous. The Pier Dance, however, was pretty lame. Always in the past there have been big decorations and video screens and color everywhere, etc. This year there were hardly any decorations, no video screen to see the D.J., and it was really dark, meaning the pier just wasn't lit well. So instead of feeling like, yay, gay pride, let's all be proud and celebrate, it felt more like we were in the back of a dark club and everyone was fucked up and cruising. Plus, it was cold. And windy. So I had to put a jacket over my pink boob shirt. Not good! The thing that irritated me the most was that the pride committee gave the vending contract to the Holiday Inn this year, instead of a locally-owned/gay-owned business even though they got less of a discount. And thanks to the Holiday Inn, the Pier Dance ran out of water at 11 o'clock so all the kids who weren't old enough to drink alcohol but wanted to dance, had nothing to drink at all. 2. My mother and I were walking along the boulevard above the beach on the East End of Portland yesterday. The boulevard and the beach are separated by a stone wall that is about shoulder height for beach-goers. We were walking along, la di da, when we saw an old man in a red t-shirt walking along the beach right against the stone wall, coming toward us. As he passed us, he gave us this shifty look like he was up to no good. So after he went by we leaned over the fence and looked down to see him walking down the beach nekkid except for is t-shirt. Little old many wrinkly bum disappearing into the distance. For some reason, perhaps penis-related, I was reminded of the time, not long ago when... 3. ...I was walking home from class one night around 10 p.m. As I approached my house I noticed a car parked in front of it and glanced in as I walked by. In the driver's seat was a man - young, maybe early twenties, baseball hat - yankin' on his thang like his life depended on it. He saw me. I froze. He froze. I un-froze and kept walking but I was already laughing. He sped away and looked me in the eye one more time as he was peeling out - he looked so horrified. I felt bad for him. He had New Hampshire plates and I figured he just got blue-balled on a date and wanted to rub one out before the long drive home. But who knows. Maybe he was just a perv. 4. And finally for today (although I may update again later), from McSweeney's Daily Reason to Dispatch Bush (and this one's good) DAY 58 The Bush campaign has raised $296.3 million since 1998, giving it the advantage in both the 2000 and 2004 elections. One-third to one-half of this $296.3 million was donated to the Bush campaign by only 631 people. This is the end result of Bush's "Pioneers" campaign fund. The maximum individual donation to a presidential candidate by law is $1000; however, the Pioneers have been able to work around this regulation by creating a network of people, mostly businessmen, who are each able to persuade 100 friends or more to donate the $1000 maximum to their cause. Donors who have raised at least $100,000 are dubbed "Pioneers". Those who have raised at least $200,000 are called "Rangers". Of the 246 Pioneers and Rangers in the 2000 campaign, 104 of them have received a job or appointment during Bush's reign in the White House. Twenty-three of them have been made ambassadors. 2000 election Pioneer Kenneth Lay, former Enron chairman, sent the White House a list of eight persons he recommended for appointment to the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission upon Bush's election. Two of the persons he recommended were appointed to the five-person commission. The Pioneers group is now twice as large as it was in the 2000 election. (Source Cohen, Sarah, Thomas B. Edsall and James V. Grimaldi. "Pioneers Fill War Chest, Then Capitalize." Washington Post, 16 May 2004)

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