Thursday, July 08, 2004

How to Waste Taxpayer Money


Good morning boys and girls - today I'm going to tell you a little story about election year politics. I'll try to keep it short. So there's this bill, see? It's about corporate litigation and it's aimed at preventing settlements in which the plaintiffs wind up with coupons or some other paltry nonsense from the company they sued while their lawyers walk away with millions and millions of dollars. It's a popular bill. Senate Republicans like because it because the huge corporations in whose pockets they reside like it. Senate Democrats like it because in a way it is also aimed at helping people who are legitimately suing companies for wrongdoing. So everybody likes it and everybody wants to vote for it. And here's where it all goes to shit. Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist (we'll just call him The Maggot from here on out) has prevented any amendments from being tacked onto this bill. Here's how the amendment-tacking-on-thing works (if you already know this feel free to skip ahead) when there is a bill in the senate that is popular and expected to pass, senators from both parties traditionally tack amendments onto it that don't really have anything to do with the actual bill, but that are favored by at least a small majority. So, for instance, on the litigation bill a Republican senator was planning to add an amendment regarding immigration laws and a Democratic senator was planning to add an amendment regarding welfare. There were many more but I won't list them all. These amendments are not relevant to the bill in question but enough senators would be willing to vote for them that they can be tacked onto the bill without a fuss - and this is how the senate works. There is compromise and haggling and that is how laws get passed. Except, in this case, The Maggot took to the floor and declared that only five "relevant" amendments from each team would be considered. The word "relevant" is tricky. What it means is that the amendment has to specifically apply to corporate litigation. In other words, he changed the rules. Both Republicans and Democrats complained loud and long. So The Maggot, in his wisdom, changed his mind and decided that all amendments would be considered. And then he proceeded to fill every available slot with an amendment of his own making. Why did he do this? Let me explain it to you. He did it because he doesn't want his own party to publicly take a stand on issues like immigration and welfare in an election year because their stand SUCKS ASS and is CRUEL and that might not go over well with a whole bunch of people who are Republican because they don't know any better. Although, in my opinion, anyone who is planning on voting Republican MUST already know that they couldn't care less about anyone but themselves and not give a shit. What it all boils down to, folks, is that we have been paying our senators to dick around FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK with a popular bill that should have passed and now will not because The Maggot has pulled out the rug from beneath his own legislative body. That's your tax dollars at work, people. God bless the USA. Posted by Hello

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