Thursday, August 12, 2004

Grumpy Grouchy Sloth

It's been a while since the last softhead photo, so here's another one. Boy, I am grou-CHEE today! I growled all the way to work. Several people nearly lost their lives. The man who was sitting next to me on the bus doesn't know how lucky is. His elbow was lightly grazing my arm as he read his book and although the infraction was slight, the RAGE it inspired in me was crazy powerful strong!! Grrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!! In honor of my current grouchiness it is time for another pet peeve list. As you may remember but very likely don't, the last pet peeve list covered the following: 1. People who wear too much cologne/perfume 2. People who STAND on the LEFT of the escalator 3. Panhandlers at the door of the ATM machine 4. People who act like my not wanting babies is just a "phase" that I'll grow out of 5. Milling behavior that blocks the sidewalk 6. Clipboard scammers 7. Ruffle skirts 8. "So I says to her..." 9. Cell phone abuse 10. Ann Coulter Today's list is shorter because that's 10 things already and how many pet peeves can one sloth have? 1. People who clamber onto the bus before others can get out. How LONG have you been living in this city?? How LONG have you been taking public transport? How can you NOT KNOW that if you get mangled and squished by a stampede of commuters, it is YOUR FAULT. And once you realize that you are in the path of a commuter avalanche, don't SQUISH UP next to the fare meter and think that you are getting out of the way. YOU ARE STILL IN THE WAY. GET OFF THE FUCKING BUS YOU FUCKING TWERP. 2. "Customer Service Representatives" who resent me before I have even dialed the goddamned phone. You know what pissy-pants? I AM NOT YOUR PROBLEM. YOU ARE YOUR PROBLEM. Take some yoga, eat some chocolate, read a book, and if you still can't be nice to people, get a job where you DON'T HAVE TO BE. You can put me on hold for half an hour but I'm not going anywhere, bitch. And when I ask for your name, you better give it to me real nice and sweet-like if you don't want to start something you can't finish. 3. Anyone who expects me to act even vaguely human before 10 a.m. can kiss my ass. 4. People in their twenties who act pissed off when they get carded. Yeah, ok. First of all, the person HAS to card you if you look like you're under 30. Liquor inspectors are sneaky, dangerous creatures and they can pop up and snatch a liquor license faster than you can you can program your pastel IPod. Second of all, you should feel LUCKY that you're still young-looking enough to warrant an I.D. check because you know what? Someday you're going to WISH that someone would card you. You're going to be old and crinkled and you will never be carded again. Is that what you prefer? Stop being an ASSHOLE to people who are just doing their fucking jobs. 5. Ann Coulter. Posted by Hello