Friday, August 20, 2004

The Way to My Heart

This is a picture of some fruity fruit at our local vegetable bazaar which sets up in the North End on Sundays and makes a great big mess. It's hard to get pictures there because everyone is jostling and bumping and no one has patience for straggling lollygaggers. It was being harassed at Haymarket that first tempted me to get a nice camera. If you look professional, like you could maybe be with the press, the vendors don't generally mess with you. But try walking around there snapping pictures with a teeny tiny silver camera like a tourist would have, and you're done for. The following is a letter I sent to my local food delivery service today. As you will see, I am very fond of them. Dear Dining-In, Do you know how much I love you? Can you possibly know? You feed me when I'm hungry. You are always there for me when I call. You hold me so tenderly. Actually that's someone else...but it could be you if you asked. That is how much I love you. When I call on a Saturday night and order enough food for five people, do you judge me? No, you do not. You know that all of the food is for me. You know that I have nothing to do on Saturday night except sit at home and stuff my maw with heaps of delicious food. And yet you are kind enough to not point out my wretchedness. I love you, Dining-In. You never neglect me. When I need you, you always answer on the first ring, as though you were sitting by the phone just waiting for my call. I don't even have to read off my credit card number to you - you always know it already. It is a wondrous relationship that we have!! Last night I called you around 9 o'clock to order mounds of food from Zaftig's and you were so extra nice to me that I swooned with even more love than I knew I had for you! In fact, you were so nice to me that I was laughing too hard to remember to ask the operator's name. When I looked at the slip that came with the food (only 25 minutes later!) it said "operator MONKT." Well, let me tell you, Dining-In, your man Mr. MONKT was not only professional and efficient, but he made me laugh and he made my night. Thank you, Dining-In for hiring Mr. MONKT and for putting him right near the phone when you knew I would call. Dining-In, do you know what I have learned from our relationship? Well, I will tell you. I have learned that diamonds are for suckers. YOU are a girl's best friend. Your loyal and loving fan, Sloth Posted by Hello

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