Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Going Out of Business

Hey folks - I hate to do this, but Slothville is closing its doors until further notice. Here's what's going on: 1. Too many people I know are reading this page. There has been lots I want to write about lately that I just can't because of who will read it. Self censorship is a waste of time. Actually, I should say that Slothville has become a waste of time because of having to censor everything I write. 2. Julie was right - I have end-of-semester-itis. I am way to busy to even call myself a sloth anymore. There is tons going on with birthdays and holidays and my workload is absurd. I really need to get back to my real life where my real responsibilities have really backed up. And I can't do that without worrying that people are worrying where I am, which brings me to my next point. 3. Blogging has become more of an obligation than I have wanted to admit. I feel pressure to post every day and that pressure gives me writer's block. I haven't been writing much worth reading lately and I want to go back to my pen and my journal and write something I can feel proud of again. When Slothville stopped being a place for me to store the contents of my brain and started feeling like some kind of performance, its whole purpose began to fade. I may pick it up again after the New Year, or I may not. I hope you all continue to find what you need through this medium. I'll definitely check in from time to time. Take care, everyone.

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Friday, December 10, 2004

Daily Oddities

The Christmas Carol woman next to me has taken to warbling along with the songs now. She recently had bronchitis and sounds like she permanently needs to clear her throat. Physical damage is imminent. It's bone-chilling here today. Raining, gray, depressing. On my way to work this morning I saw a young man standing in the street, in the freezing, pouring rain, holding a bed sheet that read in big black letters: "HONK IF YOUR HORNY." Drenched, coatless, squinting into the rain, he looked like the least horny guy I've ever seen. I had lunch today with my friend CB who is visiting from Australia with his new girlfriend, L. L is young, cute, perky. We got some Vietnamese spring rolls but when they arrived they had shrimp in them. L sort of shuddered and said, "No thanks. I can't eat anything that has a chitinous exoskeleton." When I asked why she said, "Because they're scary and they contaminate everything." I have no idea what this means. Apparently CB doesn't either because when I looked across the table at him, he was laughing quietly into his soup. Have a good weekend everyone!

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Thursday, December 09, 2004

Whirlwind Sloth

Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you: clothing crisis. I woke up fat this morning. It was completely perturbing. The outfit I had picked out last night no longer fit. I was bulging out of everything. It went like this: "Hmm. Well, let's try pantz A with shirt A." *rustle rustle zip* "Hmm. How about pantz A with shirt B." *zip rustle rustle* "Ugh. Ok, shirt B with pantz C." *rustle wrassle zip* "Goddamn it. Pantz C with shirt D." *zip wrassle wrassle stomp* "Fuck it, I'm staying home." I didn't stay home, but I was half an hour late for work and my room looks like a bomb went off in my closet.

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Broken Sloth

I developed a painful knot the size of a human head under my shoulder blade this morning while showering. Does everyone else scrub their back with the loofah? Is there a simpler way? I pretzeled myself all up to reach the middle of my back and got stuck. There was much splashing and spluttering. Now there is much stiffness and growling.

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Lethal Sloth

The woman next to me has been listening to Christmas carols all day every day for this entire week. Clearly this is going to continue right up to the holidays. My murderous fantasies about this woman have recently careened out of control. The last one involves sitting on her neck and breaking her teeth by shoving bits of broken radio into her mouth.

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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Bizzy Sloth

No time for blogging today (for you, either - look at your desk, it's a disgrace!) so I shamelessly stole this off of MSN. Pup, #5 is for you, man. I don't know what they're talking about with #2 - that's not cheesy, it's romantic. And how! Plus, I believe the correct phrase is "Nobody puts Baby in A corner," but I could be wrong. Nah, I'm right. I'm never wrong about Dirty Dancing - it's the best worst movie of all time. Also, #10 should be #1. Top 10 cheesiest movie moments: 1. Titanic: Leonardo DiCaprio's "I'm the king of the world!" 2. Dirty Dancing: Patrick Swayze's "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." 3. Four Weddings And A Funeral: Andie McDowell's "Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed." 4. Ghost: Demi Moore's "Ditto." to Patrick Swayze's "I love you." 5. Top Gun: Val Kilmer to Tom Cruise: "You can be my wingman anytime" 6. Notting Hill: Julia Roberts' "I'm just a girl... standing in front of a boy... asking him to love her." 7. Independence Day: Bill Pullman's "Today we celebrate our Independence Day!" 8. Braveheart: Mel Gibson's "They may take our lives, but they will not take our freedom!" 9. Jerry Maguire: Renee Zellweger to Tom Cruise: "You had me at hello." 10. The Postman: A blind woman says to Kevin Costner: "You're a godsend, a savior." He replies: "No, I'm a postman."

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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Oh, the Baroness, she has a weakness...

This is a picture of my last boyfriend. The one who left me for a car. Here he is working on said car after a race. (This is the same day I took those redneck pictures, remember?) I don't have his permission to publish his picture here so I can't show you his face, which, trust me, is worth lookin' at. This post was inspired by Michael and Jack. Last night on the bus I was sitting all the way in the back, grooving to my iPod, and staring out the window. I don't like to read on the bus because it distracts me from people-watching, which as many of you know is my most favoritest thing to do in the world. Well, I was watching folks go by and checking out my fellow passengers and generally just feeling kind of chill, when a cute guy got on the bus. He wasn't Johnny Depp cute, but he was cute. We made a little googly-eye at each other for a second and then he sat down and took off his hat. Well, Slothville, what do you think was under that hat? A shaved head, is what. Bald as the day he was born. And suddenly this guy went from being ok cute to being let-me-at-him-I-want-a-bite hot. What is it about you bald men? I will pick a guy with a shaved head out of a crowd every time. No, it doesn't always work on every man. Sometimes you have a funny-shaped skull or disproportionately-sized melon, but more often than not, you look damn fine. If I catch a glimpse of a gleaming noggin passing by, I always do a double-take. Part of it is tactile. I love to smooch a bald scalp. I love to rub my hand along that half-an-inch of hair - it just feels cool. But it is mostly psychological. A shaved head implies a total lack of concern for the fact that you're losing your hair. The lack of concern in turn implies self-confidence. Self confidence is nothing if not sexy. In fact, I would venture to say that good self esteem is the sexiest feature a man can have. One whiff of neediness or chronic insecurity in a man and I'm gone. I don't want to sound harsh, but I don't want to spend all my time reassuring a guy that he's attractive either. Because you know what? If he's got poor self esteem, he's not attractive. Even if he does look like Johnny Depp. Yesterday I went to Leese's site and got a gander at Mike's bald noggin. Again. Man, is he cute or WHAT. All you guys who are upset about going bald need to chill out and accept it because as long as you are insecure and self-conscious about losing your hair, you could still be ok cute. But as soon as you shave your head, you'll turn into that let-me-at-him-I-want-a-bite hot guy. Trust me. My last three boyfriends can attest.

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Monday, December 06, 2004

Mungry Sloth

Sitting duck, Boston Harbor. Good morning, Slothville. Long time no see. I hope everyone is well. I am very tired from celebrating Bunsen's birthday last night with a bottle of wine, some triple-cream bleu cheese, salmon mousse, cracked green olives and a bunch of other snacky goodness. Too bad she couldn't be there. *sigh* A few quick updates: 1. I am struggling to finish the semester in that I am struggling to give a crap about finishing the semester. I just want it to be OVER. I am so tired of working full time and going to school, I could spit! *ptooey!* On that note... 2. I have chosen my classes for next semester. A religion survey course (to hone my debate-the-believers skills) and geology. Woo. Hoo. At least the geology class has field trips. 3. I am very much liking this man I've been seeing - liking him enough that I don't want to talk about it too much yet in case I jinx it. As soon as I feel like I'm standing on two feet instead of hanging off a cliff, I'll tell you more about it. 4. Thanks, in part, to Bunsen's good influence, I've started cooking again. I had Salty over for salad and sesame noodles on Saturday night and el Dastardo came over for popovers on Sunday. I'm starting out slow with recipes I still remember from when I used to cook a lot. I have class Monday and Tuesday but Wednesday night I will make spicy Mexican black beans with veggies and crunchy spaghetti squash. I forgot how nice it is to touch ingredients and eat something really yummy that I made with my own two paws. My roommate is liking the new Sloth and hoping she'll stick around for a while.

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Friday, December 03, 2004

Happy Birthday Bunsen!!!!

Hi everyone! I took a minication from Blogland. Oh, you noticed? I've been gathering material for future posts, but you know how slow sloths are. I won't be around on Sunday to wish Regan a happy birthday so I am doing it now. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUNSEN/REGAN/ESC/VIETNAMESE NOODLE DISH!!! Blogland adores you. Have a good weekend everyone. I'll get back on the bloghorse next week. (Blogwhores? What?)

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