Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Oh, the Baroness, she has a weakness...

This is a picture of my last boyfriend. The one who left me for a car. Here he is working on said car after a race. (This is the same day I took those redneck pictures, remember?) I don't have his permission to publish his picture here so I can't show you his face, which, trust me, is worth lookin' at. This post was inspired by Michael and Jack. Last night on the bus I was sitting all the way in the back, grooving to my iPod, and staring out the window. I don't like to read on the bus because it distracts me from people-watching, which as many of you know is my most favoritest thing to do in the world. Well, I was watching folks go by and checking out my fellow passengers and generally just feeling kind of chill, when a cute guy got on the bus. He wasn't Johnny Depp cute, but he was cute. We made a little googly-eye at each other for a second and then he sat down and took off his hat. Well, Slothville, what do you think was under that hat? A shaved head, is what. Bald as the day he was born. And suddenly this guy went from being ok cute to being let-me-at-him-I-want-a-bite hot. What is it about you bald men? I will pick a guy with a shaved head out of a crowd every time. No, it doesn't always work on every man. Sometimes you have a funny-shaped skull or disproportionately-sized melon, but more often than not, you look damn fine. If I catch a glimpse of a gleaming noggin passing by, I always do a double-take. Part of it is tactile. I love to smooch a bald scalp. I love to rub my hand along that half-an-inch of hair - it just feels cool. But it is mostly psychological. A shaved head implies a total lack of concern for the fact that you're losing your hair. The lack of concern in turn implies self-confidence. Self confidence is nothing if not sexy. In fact, I would venture to say that good self esteem is the sexiest feature a man can have. One whiff of neediness or chronic insecurity in a man and I'm gone. I don't want to sound harsh, but I don't want to spend all my time reassuring a guy that he's attractive either. Because you know what? If he's got poor self esteem, he's not attractive. Even if he does look like Johnny Depp. Yesterday I went to Leese's site and got a gander at Mike's bald noggin. Again. Man, is he cute or WHAT. All you guys who are upset about going bald need to chill out and accept it because as long as you are insecure and self-conscious about losing your hair, you could still be ok cute. But as soon as you shave your head, you'll turn into that let-me-at-him-I-want-a-bite hot guy. Trust me. My last three boyfriends can attest.