Friday, April 29, 2005

Randomillating

Oh, hello. Lesseeeeee..........I have only tidbits. Tidbittilations. 1. I hate bras. I never wear them, partly because I am in denial about the size of my boobages. So the other day I decided that since it's getting warm I will need to purchase bras to replace the shelf-bra tank tops I always wear (size medium) which are so comfortable but too much layering to wear in warm weather. I went to the Gap. Since at one time I was a B cup I tried some of those. They looked like I was trying to fit my knockers into thimbles. So I grabbed some C cup bras to try. They looked like I was trying to fit my knockers into shot glasses. At that point I gave up. I am a very small person and I refuse to even consider the possibility that I am a D cup. No. Way. I remain defiantly bra-less at this time. 2. There is a woodpecker that was extinct. Except it turns out it is not, in fact, extinct at all. That is so cool. 3. My new favorite band is Bloc Party. It is a horrible, unforgivable name for a band. Nevertheless, they are totally awesome. "That's hot!!" 4. I am currently in Maine visiting the parental unit. It is fuh-REEZING here. Only two hours from Boston and I could be building an igloo to have a kegger in. "Fill it up AGAIN!!" 5. I have reverted to my most comfortable state - singlehood. I was deathly fucking ill for two weeks during which time the "boyfriend" didn't call me once. Then, after we hadn't seen each other for two weeks, he came to pick me up for a date and when I got in the car and leaned in for a kiss, I got a *peck*. A PECK. Whenever we get together he basically treats me like I'm covered in poisonous spines until we are actually naked in bed, at which time he will condescend to touch me. No one has ever made me feel less sexy. Buh-bye!! 6. I actually love being single. Obligations: none. Possibilities: endless. 7. As of tomorrow I will be a flaming redhead. My hair is very dark which means that I'll have to bleach it first (all of this will of course be left in the hands of a professional). Eyebrows will have to be dyed also. I wanted to crop my hair from shoulder blade length to a 2-inch Audrey Hepburn cut, but was vehemently thwarted by my mother, so I will compromise by going nuts in the color department. "That's hot!!" 8. I rented "The 10th Kingdom" on dvd from Netflix. Worst. Show. Ever. I can't believe Judy Dench condescended to be a part of it. I got through about 15 minutes before I found myself faced with a choice: claw my eyes out or hit the stop button. 9. I have a new bus crush. I see him almost every morning during my commute. As I told Lovisa, he is incredibly attractive but vaguely sinister looking. He looks like he could be a laywer. An amoral, ambulance-chasing lawyer. Or a well-dressed used car salesman. Or an assassin. Basically, someone who I should, under no circumstances, have a crush on - which in my world means instant crush. I watched him for a few weeks before he noticed me. Now he makes sinister moon eyes at me every day while I lust after his olive skin, expensive clothes, subtle cologne and 32" waist that I would be more than happy to wrap my legs around. I hope, though, that he doesn't actually try to approach me, because that would just ruin it. 10. If you haven't heard about Medicare D, I suggest you start educating yourself. The rape of Medicare and the resulting assault on our elders goes into effect in January. I will be posting more information on this most recent ass-fucking that Bush is giving our parents and grandparents very shortly. Please stay tuned. And try not to get too depressed. 11. This is the most abhorrent, cruel, senseless, damaging thing I have heard of in...maybe ever. I cannot find the words to describe my animosity for the sick, self-righteous bastards who force this kind of torture on a thirteen-year-old girl. They are, each and every one of them, a mistake of humanity. How dare they? HOW DARE THEY? I actualy cried the first time I read this. More randomness coming soon - it's short-attention-span theater in Slothville these days.

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Thursday, April 21, 2005

Can I buy a vowel? Or a degree?

Ok, so raise your hand if you do this: “Oh, my paper isn’t due for three weeks – that’s plenty of time! It’s an eternity! I’ll be all geriatric an’ shit – I’ll have a titanium hip before that frickin’ paper is due!” ***** “Hmm. Paper is due in one week. Should definitely start working on it tomorrow. At least figure out what it’s supposed to be about.” ***** *Sigh* “Paper is due in three days. Where did I put the handout? Hmmm. Seems I need a book I don’t have. Well, have all day Saturday, Sunday and Monday night. No problem!” ***** ~ring ring~ “Hello? Hi, what do you want? WHO died? Ohhhh, I’m sorry to hear that. Really sorry to hear that. Hey, you know what? I don’t really have time to talk right now. I have a gigantic paper due in two days and I don’t have time for chitchat. No chitchat! Sorry.” “…….Hmm… I wonder if there are any Law & Order reruns on…” “…….I think I’ll make some soup. Man, do I love soup. Haven’t made it in ages.” ***** ~ring ring~ “Hello? Hi. Why are you calling me? You know I have a paper due in a day, I don’t have time for chitchat!! Come ON!!” “…..Ooh, ‘Road Rules/Real World Challenge’ is on! I LOVE this show!! God, Karamo is so skinny now....and I miss Ruthie......ooh, cat fight!!” “…..Ok, I’m just going to look at eBay for ONE SECOND….” ***** ~ring ring~ “Hello? I can’t BELIEVE you’re calling me – you KNOW I have a paper due in SIX hours! I don’t have time to chitchat!!!!! NO CHITCHAT for fuck’s sake!!!” “…..I’ll just check my email and then I’ll start. Ooh! A message from the online shoe store! And they’re having a sale!! Well, I’ll just look for ONE SECOND.” ***** “Gah!! Ack!! Gah!!! An hour and a half!! Jesus Christ, I’m such an ASSHOLE!!” type type type type type type type type…… Yeah, you’ve all done it and you all know it. I finished my paper 15 minutes before my class. Saaaweeeet!!!!

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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Blaaaaaaaagggghhhhh!!!!!

Ack!! Sorry everybody, midterm today (haven't studied), paper due tomorrow (haven't started it), total panic. Back to real life on Friday.

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Monday, April 11, 2005

Shoe Extravaganza!

Which unfortunately means you also have to look at my feet. Sloth feet aren't too bad, though, regardless of what some people say. Anyway, I know I said I'd keep it to a dozen pairs or less, but I lied. Some of the colors are a little off, the light was not great, but at any rate, here are Slothy's spring shoes! Black slingback (Lumiani) Black woven leather (Cole-Haan) Blue kitten heel (Cole-Haan) - I wish you could see the blue better. Brown woven leather (Cole-Haan) Green snakeskin (Franco Sarto) - looks black but is dark green. Pink snakeskin (Franco Sarto) Flower slingback (Manolo Blahnik) Patent leather orange slingback Orange slingback kitten heel Mauve wool/suede pump Brown woven t-strap (Cole-Haan) And the following are shoes I purchased from Zappos.com over the weekend. I expect them to be delivered tomorrow and will be trembling with anticipation until then. Also this! Went to see Lewis Black perform at the Orpheum with El Dastardo on Saturday night. We sat in the fourth row, center and it was pretty much the best comedy show I've ever seen. Watching Lewis Black is like wrapping yourself up in a cozy bathrobe of bitterness. And most of his material was brand new! He talked about the Schiavo fiasco, the Pope, and Paul Wolfowitz as evil incarnate. I basked in the glory of his irritability like a lizard on a sun-baked rock. It's one of those nights I wish I could rewind over and over.

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Sunday, April 03, 2005

The Misery of the Sloth

Hi everyone. Sorry for the extended absence. I've been laid up for many days with the honest-to-god flu. Yes, I thought flu season was over too. I haven't been this sick in years. I have a fun post in store though, involving many pictures....of my shoes. Weeee!!

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