Monday, September 12, 2005

97-year-old Sloth

Gah!!! Ack!!! Did you see that? Did you notice?? I TOOK A WHOLE WEEK OFF FROM THE BLOG!! Almost. Anyway, I've been flat on my back for a week and not in a good way. I have the back of a little old lady who lives alone with twenty-six cats and a cow in a tiny house on the edge of the ocean. I'm all crippled and gimpy and worst of all, I CAN'T WEAR HIGH HEELS UNTIL I'M ALL BETTER!!! Do you KNOW what this does to me??? Do you have ANY IDEA how demoralizing it is to not be able to wear my high heels?? I mean, I only have fifty pairs or so, GRAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! Ahem. So I have a LOT to do this week. Do you know why? Do you remember? No? It is time for my annual two-week vacation to the Outer Banks! Yaaaaaaaaaay!!! In case any of you don't know where the Outer Banks are, I will show you: See there where that swirly, white, hurricaney-looking thing is? That's exactly where I'm going. I heard that maybe somebody named Ophelia will be vacationing with me, but I'm not sure who that bitch is - I've never met her and if she's really talkative and annoying I'm just going to ignore her because I hate people like that and I'M JUST TRYING TO RELAX ON THE BEACH SO SHUT. UP. Don't MAKE me. So I'll try to do little updates every day this week because then I will be vamoosing for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!!! Jessssssss!!!!!!!!

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