Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Return of the OTHER Sinister Guy

Ok, so I thought the how-much-of-an-insolent-twat-can-you-be contest went well. Didn't it go well? Jamie won the day with this zinger: "Your sister is right about you." Goddamn, woman!! How dare.....oh, right, I asked you to. The thing about Davy Rothbart avoiding me is simply too painful to repeat here. So, really, you won twice. You should go into business making insult cards - you blew everyone else out of the water. On to the next thing!! If you are new to Slothville you will have to read this and this to catch up here. Tonight I stopped into Trader Joe's as I pretty much do every single night (yay for city living) to buy dinner ingredients. I was looking decent, sporting the pencil skirt and the pigtails, and I had just decided on Slothy's Favorite Instameal when - oh, what was that? You are wondering what my favorite instameal is? Oh, you weren't. Well, fuck you, I'm telling you anyway. *Organic romaine hearts: they're organic so you don't even have to wash them! But watch out for bugs. No, seriously, trust me on this. I would know. Chop!! *Caesar dressing: mix with above. *Trader Joe's creamy prosciutto pasta sauce: heat. *Capellini pasta: cook. *Parmesan cheese: shred. Mix the above three and you have a meal that takes less than 10 minutes. Jessssssssss!!! So. Remember the guy with the Rutger Hauer eyes who was a FAKE SHOPPER? Well, first he got promoted to manager and then he disappeared. I haven't seen him in at least six months. And you know, there's a lot of turnover in the grocery biz. I mean, Trader Joe's is better than most stores in that it pays a living wage and offers benefits and there's a sense of "family" or whatever with the crew, but still. It's not surprising to see people come and go. Anyway, he's back. And, no the fact that he's back and we saw each other and I was wearing pigtails is not inherently funny. But the fact that at the exact moment that strangely-attractive-yet-creepy-eye guy and I locked gazes a la "Casablanca".... "I Remember You" by Skid Row chose to slam into my headphones from the iPod WAS very very very funny. To me. Which is why I broke into a huge, shit-eating, ill-advised grin while staring at the Rutger Hauer ice-white-eye guy who was staring back at me and who will probably kill me sometime in the near future. You heard it here first. So....now that he's back, I guess we'll get to repeat this process every. night. Since I am incapable of planning a meal until I am actually IN the grocery store. Crap. And lastly, I took this picture a couple of weeks ago. Props and shout-out to you if you can tell me what it is. And REALLY LASTLY, The Onion has a little section this week called "Ask a Man Who's Jowl-Deep in Phyllis Diller's Pussy." I..........don't even know what to say about that.