Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Surgery

(Felix with amaryllis bulb, 2004) Felix: "Hey, Sloth, what's up?" Sloth: "Nothing, really, I just came to visit for a few days, how are you?" Felix: "That's a stupid question. I am completely awesome in every way as always. I'm going to sleep in your lap now because you are the most boring person in the world and you're allergic to me." *snore* Mom: "Did you notice that Felix has a toenail in his ear?" Sloth: ".........He has a what in his what?" Mom: "He has another cat's claw embedded in his ear. See it? It's sticking right out." Felix: "No it's not." Sloth: "I thought you were asleep." Felix: "I WAS asleep, chatterbox. I do not have a claw in my ear and anyways, I kicked that fucking cat's ASS. You should have been there, I wrecked him." Sloth: "So.....is that how you got the clearly visible claw stuck in your ear?" Felix: "How would you like a claw stuck in your EYE?" Mom: "I think he's feeling a little sensitive about it." Fast forward four hours...... Mom: "Hey, Felix, come here a sec, I want to show you something." Felix: "Oh, my enthusiasm. It is palpable. What could you possibly - oh, a towel. I love towels. I can sleep on it, eh? And then you'll put it in Slothy's bathroom so when she towels off it will make her sneeze? Why does that never stop being funny?" Mom: "Great idea. Just come here and I'll wrap you in the towel and hold you in my lap so you can take a nap." Felix: "Sweet!" *purrrrrrrrrrrrrr* "Oh! Sloth, hi - I was just dozing here and, uh.....what the fuck??? Dude, get those fucking tweezers away from me, man, I am not even kidding I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING." Sloth: "Oh my god, this is so gross. There's too much blood, I have to go get a paper towel." Mom: "Get the hydrogen peroxide too." Felix: "Yeah, and don't forget your last will and testament because I AM SO GOING TO KILL YOU TEN TIMES IN A ROW." Fast forward ten minutes........ Mom: "Did you get it?" Sloth: "Almost." Felix: "MOTHERFUCKER." Sloth: "Got it." Mom: "Ew." Sloth: "Gross." Felix: "Can I still sleep in the towel?"

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