Friday, October 07, 2005

Happy Genocide Day!

Jalapeno, Farmers Market, Portland, Maine, Labor Day weekend '05. Green! Green! Root for GREEN!! Ok, a few updates for you before this lovely long weekend that is going to be rudely interrupted by a wedding I have to go to. I haven't decided whether to wear my sexy GREEN ruffle dress with silver shoes and purse or go more conservative with a (sigh) suit from Ann Taylor. My mother seems overly worried that I'm going to wear something too fabulous and make a spectacle of myself. I mean, I know you're not supposed to upstage the bride, but no one every really does, right? Come on, she's THE BRIDE. How do you upstage the chick in the white dress? I don't get it. And yes, the green dress *may* require some double-sided sticky tape but if I don't wear it tomorrow then when?? WHEN??? It's OCTOBER. It's 80 degrees out today but it's supposed to be in the 50's on Monday. The season of the green dress is coming to an end AND I HAVEN'T EVEN WORN IT YET. Gahhh!! Ok, on to the updates. 1. Michelle Collins has rabies. Yes, that is correct. RABIES. RAYYYYY-BEEEEEEEEES. How did she get rabies? A dog bit her on the ass. The only other person I can imagine this happening to is Pete. Because Michelle is Michelle, she is being rather cavalier about the whole thing, even suggesting a "Rabies! the Musical" but I have to give her huge credit for even thinking, "Hey, I might have rabies..." in the first place. I mean, yes, she was bitten by a dog, and yes she wasn't feeling well and had a cough, but PLEASE. Even if a fucking raccoon ate off half my face I would have to be foaming at the mouth and stabbing my roommate with a chopstick before it would occur to me that I might have RABIES. So, props to Michelle for ignoring all the medical advice she was given and going in for her shots. 2. As you may or may not have noticed, I missed the first two weeks of school so that I could lay on a beach reading trashy murder mysteries and getting a tan. I went to my first Folklore and Mythology class last night and I LOVE IT. I love it for one specific reason. My professor is obsessed with Jack Chick. !!! I! Am also! Obsessed with Jack Chick!! Jack is so mind-blowingly insane that even though he's an evangelical fundamentalist, he has tipped over into the cool category. Pat Robertson: not-cool. Jack Chick: COOLEST MOTHERFUCKER EVER. Except, maybe, for Joe Bob. Joe Bob could be cooler. 3. Do you recall how I was forced to bitch-slap Heath Ledger for whining like a sissy baby about having to suck face with Jake Gyllenhaal in "Brokeback Mountain?" Well, my vindication (and my hopeless obsession with our doe-eyed, Dr.-Sunken-Tits-loving thespian) is now complete. Jake, as it turns out, wasn't put off by the hot cowboy-on-cowboy action at all, because he's an ACTOR. Someone should let Heath Ledger know how that whole "acting" thing works. Wanker. And.......I believe three makes a list, eh? All of you have a happy and safe long weekend during which we celebrate the mass genocide of an entire race of people on our own soil. Ciao!!

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