Thursday, October 20, 2005

A Slothful Weekend

Today my boyfriend leaves to go "on tour" with his "band." Luckily for me this "tour" only lasts a few days and when told they would be driving the "van" back from Chicago, he said "fuck that" and bought a plane ticket home. So I will be getting my slothful ass up early on Sunday because I personally feel there is nothing worse than arriving at the airport and having no one to meet you there. That is a SUCK-ASS feeling. I HATE that feeling. My boyfriend will never have to feel that feeling unless I am in traction or dying of ebola. Let me tell you a little about the members of this band. I don't know them very well, but well enough to paint broad caricatures. The lead singer is built like a log. He's a perfect cylinder, neither fat nor thin, and if he didn't sway around and prance so much he'd make a perfect piling for a very low dock. His mouth is always smiling, even when the rest of his face isn't, and to be honest it's not so much a smile as it is a general teeth-on-display type of thing. When he speaks he sort of has to talk around his teeth. He pings on the gaydar, but I think it's because of the prancing. From all accounts he's straight. The guitarist is a skinny 40-year-old with big, spiky black hair and a penchant for leather pants and wrist cuffs. He lives in an apartment with two other guys which, at 40, strikes me as a little pathetic. I feel bad saying that, because he's really nice but do you think he has a girlfriend? If you said "NO" then give yourself a pat on the back. The backup vocal singer is a helium balloon with blonde hair and big droopy boobs. I know this because she seems to have a thing against bras so I've met her boobs personally. They are smarter than she is. In her defense, she's only 20. I was pretty stupid when I was 20 too. She has Molly Ringwald lips and big, vacant eyes and boy, she just couldn't be friendlier. She'll probably end up on the Supreme Court someday. The keyboard player is a small, round Asian girl who hasn't really learned any of the songs yet. The one time I met her she was completely shitfaced so it's possible that my impression of a tiny, giggling Oompa Loompa with fashionable glasses and waaaaaaaaaaay too much energy is a little off. Wow, she's really super duper friendly though!!!!!!!!! Suffice to say, after five seconds I wanted to smother her with a pile of bar napkins. They were in my hand, but she wouldn't hold still. And then there is my boyfriend, the unbelievably good-looking, blonde 6'2" guy who plays drums and who FINALLY has a nickname. My friends and I have decided to call him The Den for reasons that shall remain a mystery to you. Unless you figure them out, which would be fine. I really don't care. Have a LOVELY Thursday, everyone. From what I understand, you'll all be in various states of undress. I still haven't quite grasped the concept but if you'll take a look at the above picture you'll notice that I am completely and utterly nekkid. Weeee!!

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