Monday, November 21, 2005

Monday Shameful Shoe Gallery

Well, it's that day of the week again and here we go with more shoes that have wandered away from Staten Island and gotten themselves lost. Let's send them home, shall we? Oops! Looks like someone forgot to trim before a hot date. This is why I always carry a pair of manicure scissors with me at all times. You never know when you might be thrust up against a yacht-owning, Rolex-wearing, brandy-drinking millionaire at a crowded Abe & Louie's. Wouldn't want to end up in the sack with a little extra fluff on your muff! Snippety-snip and you're screwing your way to St. Barts! And then, of course, there are those of us who are just trying to screw our way off of Sunset Boulevard. You know how it is these days. Everyone's all "recycle, recycle, recycle!!" Well, now all you tea-cozy makers and mitten-knitters can do your part too. Did you know that tub skirts are waaaay out of style? Well, they are and it's time to start putting them to good use. Don't forget the ruffle! Somewhere, Sheena Easton is rifling through her closet like a pig rooting through a pile of shit. She has a hot date and can't find her favorite pair of pumps, poor thing. I hope she remembers her manicure scissors... Umm....excuse me, waiter? There's a lung cancer on my shoe. Well, it's not like anyone PLANS on going to Hell, right? I mean, shit happens. And yeah, the lake of fire isn't any fun, but we get little breaks for stuff like eating (maggots), sleeping (on tacks) and sex (with Satan). For some reason he's really into rim jobs. He's got this long, red tongue and, man, does your ass burn afterward, but hey, anything's better than sitting on a fucking cloud, playing the harp with Pat Robertson. Oh, wait, I just saw him in the lava room. Fuck! Why can't I get away from that guy?? Happy Monday! New post tomorrow.