Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Ssssssssssssssslice........

You'll never believe what happened to me in the shower the other day.......Ok, wait, I have to preface this. My shower has seven - count 'em, SEVEN - shower heads. They are not all up over my head, they vertically line either side of the tile shower. In order to keep a lather going I generally have to turn off three of them so that at least one side of me can stay soapy at a time. So. I'm facing the shower wall that is not gushing water, shaving under my arms. I'm not sure why I persist in doing this since, as you can see - - it just makes makes my armpits look nekkid while the rest of me is furry, but so be it. So I finish the first underarm and bring the (new) (pink) (3-blade) razor down in a sweeping arc with the intention of rinsing it off under one of the lower shower heads behind me. Perhaps you've already gleaned where I'm going with this. I cut my butt. Total butt cheek carnage achieved in .03 seconds. I felt a little woozy as I watched the long red slice along the right globe of my ass pouring my life down the drain, but I held it together. Then I realized that the only disinfectant we had in the house was rubbing alcohol and upon applying it to my ass cut I promptly stopped holding it together and invented all manner of new and naughty words such as "treecunt" and "sinkfuckhole." Oops. Still like having seven shower heads though...

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