Monday, March 06, 2006

One-Shoe Monday

I am so busy at work today and I apologize, but I only have time for one shoe today. This one. This shoe (let's call her Shoe) wants to talk to you about Celexa - which is an antidepressant, apparently. Shoe tells me (and everyone within earshot) that Celexa saved her life because she was sooooooooooo depressed and ohmygod, it was like totally a chemical thing and even though she caught her boyfriend giving her brother a blowjob while he was visiting and looking at colleges and sleeping on the couch and eating all the cereal, like no matter how much she bought he would just eat it all because he's such a pig and now it turns out he's a gay pig who has no respect for her relationship and ohmygod, how could he even DO that - he's her BROTHER - it's practically incest!! And even though she's been having to sleep on the couch while her boyfriend and her brother "get it out of their systems" or whatever (god! there's probably cereal crumbs in the bed!) and she's pretty sure they're using her vibrator for something that uh! she doesn't even want to know about, it turns out that this whole depression thing and all that cutting she was doing with the bread knife while those two were whirrrrrrrr-ing away in the bedroom - perverts! - it was all CHEMICAL. So she got these pills called Celexa from her doctor (and also a crapload of Ritalin from one of her 8th grade science students who trades it for passing lab grades) and now she feels SO MUCH HAPPIER AND BETTER AND AWESOME ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!! Yay for MEDICINE!!!!!!!!